If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?RuPaul
Amen to that!
I tend to trust people, 100%, completely. Most of the time, when I meet someone I will go in with complete surrender, no expectations and accept whoever they are. Unless I get a really bad vibe, I tend to get along with everyone. There’s a part of me that loves to connect with people. I’m hoping I get to connect with some people through this website and maybe in the future through all the other things that I’ve got planned.
One of my favourite ways to connect with people is by finding out their favourite colour, listening to the music they like or watching a T.V show or movie that they have recommended. This got me into RuPaul’s drag race. Now as a straight male I had no idea I would like the show as much as I did. Sure, I dislike Santino (Santiago) Rice but the show had such a positive message about accepting yourself the way you are.
We need more positive messages like this and this is one that I had realised as a child. If I was not happy with my own company then how are other people going to be happy when they are with me?
If I don’t love myself, then how are other people going to love me?
Realising that is the first step towards actually beginning to love yourself. You want to love yourself. You know what you don’t love about yourself, the things that are in your life that you don’t resonate with. The things that don’t make you happy. All that you have to do is get to work now.
Experience different things in life and find out what resonates with you. The things that resonate with you will automatically change you into your true self and in return you will love yourself. Obviously it has taken me a long time to get here and I’m oversimplifying it but it is that simple. Break it down into smaller, little, manageable tasks and you’ll start to notice the change within yourself.
Obviously you don’t have control over everything in your life. No one does. Focus on the things that you DO have control over and slowly but steadily you’ll get there.
A lot of us, including me, have struggled with the image of yourself. Speaking personally, I was a very fat kid for most of my life. There were a bunch of problems that led me to overeat and in return become fat. I grew up in a scarce mindset mentality. We had enough food on the table and there wasn’t a night where we slept hungry. In fact we were very well taken care of by my parents.
However, as a kid, anytime there is a shiny object you or something new you want it. We used to go out to eat Pizza Hut once a month. My brother and I would always look forward to this. We’d starve the whole day and prepare ourselves for the long awaited Pizza Hut dinner. We’d get one large pizza, a salad and drinks. 8 slices, 4 family members. Everyone gets 2 slices each. Those 2 slices were heavenly. We would make them last for as long as we could. We’d eat the crust first, then pick the toppings and savour them after which we would finish the slice. Pure Joy.
Mom would make lasagne at home. I remember hating the concept of lasagne but once I took that first bite I was all in. She would make one dish. 4 slices, 4 family members. When you grow up in that mindset you tend to develop a habit of eating very fast in the hopes that you could some extra leftovers. Mom was great though. Like they say A mother always knows.
She would always give us her toppings or a bit of extra food from her plate just to make sure my brother and I always had enough. She sacrificed her desires for us. Obviously she wanted to eat that slice of pizza or cake but she would give it to us because she loves us.
However, when you develop that habit to eat as fast as you can you tend to eat unconsciously. You tend to not chew your food properly and eat more than required. You haven’t given your body enough time to relay the information that the stomach is full to your brain and in return you over eat.
Kids are cruel because they are honest. Being a fat kid is never easy. When you get bullied at school and come home to 2 tired parents you tend to find comfort in whatever way or form you can. Food became that comfort for my brother and me. We over ate because we felt happy and satisfied. We over ate because at that point nothing else in the world mattered. All that mattered was me and my food.
There are so many more issues that I have had to deal with in the past but the point of the over eating story is that I realised that life is so much more than just food. I realised that I do not need to love myself by overeating. Overeating actually made me hate myself. It’s this vicious cycle that you get sucked into. You hate yourself for being fat so you eat more to find comfort which in return makes you fatter.
My life truly changed when I realised that I do not need people to have a good time. It changed when I realised I don’t need food to have a good time. All I need is myself. I started to get to know myself and what do you know, turns out I’m actually not that bad. Once I started to love myself the over eating got under control. I realised that when I started to experience different things in life and listen to my feelings, I quickly discovered the things that bought me true joy.
Sure I still have negative thoughts but when you’re in a better place you tend to have a clearer perspective on those negative thoughts and so can deal with them in a much better way.
I know it’s tough, believe me I’ve been there. All you need is a bit of faith in yourself and I guarantee you, you can do it. If it helps hit me up, I’ll be here for whatever you need. If you want somebody to vent to, I’m your guy. If you want a different perspective, I’m you dude. Hell I’ve seen enough of RuPaul’s drag race that if you need some fashion advice hit me up. I am 100% confident I’ll do a better job than Santiago.
Love yourself. You are worth it.
P.S – Fuck Santiago