Haunted By The Past

Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.

Cormac McCarthy – All The Pretty Horses
Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

The past will creep up on us when we least suspect it. One moment you’ll be happy with your friends or relaxing in bed before falling asleep. Out of the blue, it jumps out and reminds you the time you “messed” up in the past. You relive those moments in a loop.

“Why did I do that?”

“I wish I had done that instead.”

You start to regret those moments. You get stuck. You cringe at those moments. All those emotions come flooding back. You feel awkward, scared, vulnerable and ashamed. Most of my life I have dreaded my past. I have tried to repress the feelings that come up. Pretend like it never happened. Pretend like I have grown from it.

Yet, I find myself going through the same motions. Feeling the same emotions in the present as well. Clearly, these feelings and emotions have weight. They are heavy. They are real. They are still affecting me. They are still unresolved.

In order to work through this I need to realise the importance of the past traumas in my life. It is important to understand that these feelings emanate from my childhood trauma. The roots of these feelings are deeply embedded in the past. Once you acknowledge this, you can then move on to resolving those feelings…dealing with those feelings.

The importance of the past is often overlooked. People tell you to forget about the past and focus on the present which will affect the future. While that is true, it is important to acknowledge the past. We learn from the past.

We must look back to understand why we act the way we do. Why we feel the way we do. It’s all linked to the past. Only then are we able to grow.

Take the time to reminisce. Acknowledge your feelings. Try to find the root in the past. Hopefully then you will be able to grow.

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