Tag Archives: Happiness

Living Takes Real Courage

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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When you are physically and mentally exhausted, you are at your most vulnerable. When you have no more tears to shed because you’re all dried up, that’s when you’re at your weakest. Your ego uses the opportunity to bring you down. It takes advantage of your weakness and strikes. It attacks your inner child. I struggled trying to nurture my inner child today. Took a lot of effort. The most effort it has taken in a while. The vibes were off but I’m glad I experienced it. It has strengthened my resolve.

For those of you who have had suicidal thoughts, you just want to end it all. It seems like the easiest option. You just want the endless cycle of pain to stop. A part of you wants to inflict pain upon the people who claim to love you. They don’t understand. No one understands. You are all alone. You just want to end it all…give up. You want to let everything you’ve worked so hard for go. You think to yourself “What’s the fucking point?” You lose sight of why you started living life this way.

I never had the “courage” to do it. I was more “religious” back then so I had the fear of God and Hell in me that stopped me from doing anything about it. I did do my research on it. I found out different ways of doing it. There are so many ways but they all had pain involved. There was an element of regret in all those methods. I found that moments before the point of no return, everyone wished they hadn’t gone through with it. There is that survival instinct that kicks in…a fear that helps you stop and forces you to live.

I want to clarify that I am not glorifying suicide nor advocating for it. I am just saying that I get it. I get why you want to do it.

All I can say is please don’t. It doesn’t help knowing that someone else is having similar thoughts or is going through the same thing as you. I never found comfort in it. Some of you might feel better, some of you might not. If what I say next helps then I’m glad. If it doesn’t help then that sucks. I guess you’re like me. You look at it as if it is a solo battle that you need to win on your own.

I realised that I am not going to let all these motherfuckers win. I am not going to give up. I am not going to stop fighting. You feel like shit. Take that shit in. Embrace it. Feel sad. Go through the motions. Once you’re done…once you feel better, you fucking pick yourself up and you start again.

If I kill myself, I let them have the last laugh. I let them win. There is no way I am going to give them the satisfaction of getting that victory over me. You may affect my life now but I will not let you win.

I chose to become stubborn. That’s my response to the factors affecting me negatively at the moment. I realise that they exist for the time being and I have to deal with them until I can do something about it. So until that fortuitous moment shall present itself, I will be stubborn.

It is more courageous to live. To face your problems head on. To not give up. That is real courage. Killing yourself is the coward’s way out. I have been a coward my whole life. I have decided to finally stand up for myself. To stand up for everything I believe in.

That’s how I see it. That’s what keeps me going.

If you like to share your sorrows with people hit me the fuck up. I got you fam. If you believe in fighting this solo here’s my perspective on it.

Good luck out there. Stay strong.

Surrender To Life

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

Charles R. Swindoll
Photo by Simon Clayton on Pexels.com

Complete Surrender. That is how I try to live my life, in complete surrender. I try to surrender to life. I try to surrender to love. I try to surrender to the universe. I try to surrender to the environment. I try to surrender to what may be happening to me.

As we live life we come across many things that affect us. We often find ourselves worrying about the future and contemplating on the past. While it is good to have a plan for the future, we tend to live in the thoughts of the future.

I went to a Tai Chi class for the first time. I have wanted to do Tai Chi since the day I found out that in the TV Show Avatar The Last Airbender, the movements for water bending is based off of the ancient Chinese martial arts of Tai Chi. I love water bending because of it’s healing properties so naturally when the opportunity came to try it I couldn’t say no.

Tai Chi is all about the breath. It’s about relaxing. It’s about letting go and flowing with what comes towards you. I just flowed, with whatever was happening. I was in a state of tranquillity. I was relaxed.

I was reminded by how I want to live my life, in complete surrender. I will only worry about the things within my control. The things that I do not control, do not warrant any attention or effort from me. We are not going to spend our time thinking about that. We are going to spend our time, energy and efforts on what we do control.

We are going to focus on the now.

I control my actions. I control my work ethic. I control me. I cannot control anything outside of me so why bother?

Does this person like me? Will I get this job? Will I do well in my exams? I do not have control over all the factors that will affect these decisions.

All I can do is control my own vibe and let things flow. Whatever will happen, will happen. I can only hope for the best.

We are constantly reacting to whatever happens to us. That’s all that we can do.

Relax. Breathe. Let go. Channel all of your energy into yourself. Enjoy Life. It’ll all be fine.

We got this far. Don’t worry. We’ll also get to where we need to go.

Discipline is Key

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At the age of 27 I have realised that Discipline is the key to life. If I’m being honest there are many keys to life, each one connected to the other BUT Discipline is a major key in life.

The way I do it is I have split my tasks into 2 groups:

  1. Shit that needs to get done
  2. Shit that doesn’t need to get done

The shit that doesn’t need to get done, most of the times, is the shit that I WANT to do so it gets done anyways. Things like watching a show on Netflix, shopping or eating at a fancy restaurant. These aren’t things that I consider compulsory or mandatory to do but I enjoy them and so they happen. I tend to let these things flow and not focus on them. If it happens, I enjoy the moment. If it doesn’t happen, it didn’t happen and I just move on. These things flow like the waves of the ocean. Some days I’ll do them, some days I won’t.

The shit that NEEDS to get done include things like working out, eating healthy, going to work or writing. To me these things are essential in living a healthy lifestyle. The working out and eating healthy keeps me physically fit. Going to work gets me paid and helps maintain the healthy lifestyle that I want. The writing helps keep me emotionally and mentally fit.

To get these things you need to develop a healthy habit of doing those things with keeping discipline in mind. Let’s use working out as an example. You need to start small. If you go on a 5k run on your first session, it’s going to do more harm than good. You may hurt yourself physically and you’ll be demotivated mentally as well. You’re going to be disheartened to continue running the next day.

The faster you try to change, the harder you’ll revert back into your old habits. They may even become worse.

The idea is to start slowly. You start by walking 1k a day and build on it until you get to 5k. Then once you’ve begun walking 5k a day, you can start to run 1k and walk the rest of the 4k and build on that. Once you manage to jog 5k, you can start working on improving your time and doing it faster or increase your distance. That’s just the way I did it.

The idea is to develop a healthy habit in a small and manageable way so that you develop a habit that will last longer.

The same can be applied to eating healthy. You start small. Remove one or two items from your current diet. You can remove fizzy drinks and chocolates. Stick to avoiding those 2 items. Before long you’ll notice that not only have you not consumed those items but you no longer have this need or desire to consume those items. In a way you have developed the habit of not consuming those items. After that you can build on it and move on to other sugary items or items high in calories. You can implement intermittent fasting in your diet if your goal is to lose weight or feel more energetic.

I have been intermittent fasting for 6 months now and I feel great when I wake up. I feel like I have more energy and I am ready to take the day on.

Have a think about your life. Decide what type of life you want to build. Start small. Use discipline to keep going and before you know it you’ll start to notice changes in your life. Focus on the process rather than the goal. You do want to lose weight but obviously you don’t want to be miserable while doing it. It can be done. You just need to sit down and start changing small things and they will all add up.

Think about it. When we are born we can barely move on our own. Slowly we start crawling, then walking and before you know it we start running. With time, practice, resilience and discipline we manage to go from a baby that can’t move on its own to Usain Bolt winning the Gold medal at the Olympics.

People tend to rely on motivation to get promoted at work or lose weight. I think motivation is bullshit. Motivation comes and goes depending on your state of mind. Your mind/ego likes to play tricks on you. It doesn’t want you to succeed and be self-reliant because it wants you to keep needing it. You’re in this loop where your ego makes you feel like shit, you continue to live your unhappy life, you feel like shit and it repeats. This helps sustain your ego. I’ll write some more about this in a different piece.

Discipline on the other hand works independently. I do not give a fuck if I am not in the mood to work out. We are getting out of bed and going for this run. Once, I start running I get into it and before you know it I am done. I don’t care how much I want to eat that pizza past 7 pm. We are not going to eat this pizza. We are going to drink some water and move on. Even if I am not in the mood, I’ll still try to do something as that is better than nothing. I try not to beat myself about it. Just get to work. Do a small workout and move on. If I am really hungry I’ll eat past 7 pm and move on.

It all comes down to you and how you want to do it. You set the goals, the method and the pace because you have to do the work. You do whatever it takes to get the lifestyle you want.

Discipline is the key. Hold yourself accountable to small things and you will develop the healthy habits that you want to develop before you know it. Look for the development of long term habits rather than short term goals. When you revert and fall back from those short term goal oriented routine, you fall harder.

Take it slowly. Start small and build on it with time and comfort. Enjoy the process. You’ll have gone farther than you had anticipated before you even realise it.

Remember, you are doing this for you and for no one else. No one else cares if you have a healthy lifestyle. In fact some people might thrive on watching you be miserable. It makes them feel good about themselves. Remind yourselves that this is for you and stay strong. There’s no harm in taking a break if you want to. Just learn to be content and disciplined and life will work its way out.

If you want me to write some more about how I have transformed my physical, mental or emotional state or have something specific you want me to give you a different perspective on, feel free to ask in the comment section below or send me a message on any of my social accounts that are linked at the bottom of the website.

Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep on loving.

Decision Making

Photo by Hrishikesh Deshkar on Pexels.com

There is a fable from Aesop about the Miller, his son and his ass. The fable talks about how the Miller tries to please everyone and in the end loses his donkey. The moral of the story is that if you try to please everyone, you will lose everything. We often think too hard about what decision is the ‘right’ one and what the ‘wrong’ one is.

How can we tell if what we are doing is ‘right’?

Once we manage to make a decision, after much deliberation, we then tend to regret that decision and think that we would have been better off with the other option. After all, hindsight is 20/20. There’s a lot of uncertainty and regret when it comes to decision making in life, regardless of how big or small those decisions are.

I have found a way that makes it easier for me to determine what is ‘right’ and accept the consequences that may arise as a result of making that decision. This works for me so it might help all of you.

Before making any decision I ask myself 2 questions:

1 – Am I coming from a place of love?

2 – Will this make me happy?

I try to do things from a place of love and let the consequences take care of themselves. I may do something out of self-love or love for others. I am trying to focus more on self-love but both points of views are valid in my opinion. The idea is that if you come from a place of love, you know that the intention of your decisions are coming from a good place. Therefore, whatever decision you make, you have made with good intentions. For some of you that may not be important, but for me it is.

The means matter more than the ends.

If I can see this decision making me happy then I am going to take that decision. Happiness is achieved by doing something that resonates with you at an inner level. Obviously, things will not go the way you intend for them to go BUT as long as you keep that in mind and focus on the journey rather than the end goal then you’ll be happier.

The idea is to find happiness in the pursuit of your goals and not in your goals.

While making any decision it is important to remind yourself that you have made this decision to the best of your ability with the information that you had at that time. You need to be content with the decision you have made and be willing to accept all the consequences. You need to realise that you can only control your own actions. If you have given it your best shot then that’s all that matters. Whatever happens past your control happens.

Surrendering yourself to this mentality will help you be more content and at peace. It will focus your attentions on things that will matter and before you know it you’ll be in a place that you had never envisioned.

Think about it.

5 years ago, even a couple of months ago, no one would have thought that we’d be in the midst of a pandemic. The whole world has been affected. Yet here we are. Do we have any control? To a certain extent yes. We can choose how to spend all this free time that we have suddenly found. We can choose to follow health guidelines and protect ourselves and others. We can choose to put ourselves in the gloom and doom mindset where we focus on all the negatives, where we focus on how we can’t go out and meet our friends. Regardless of what you do the fact that we are in this pandemic will not change. Therefore, why focus on what we have no control over. Why don’t we focus on what is within our control.

Life is always bliss. It all depends on how you choose to direct your energy and focus.

These things will help you develop a sense of self-love as well. When you make decisions that are in line with your true self then you are able to be happier.

How do you know what resonates with your true self?

You experience life and enjoy it. Listen to your feelings and life will guide you.