Tag Archives: Self-love

Insecurities Control Me

One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.

J.A Konrath
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

All of us have insecurities, about one thing or another. Everyone deals with it in different ways. Some people like to journal. Some people like to let it out by talking with their friends and family. Some people go through self-affirmations reminding themselves about all the positives in life. Regardless of what you do, I believe that all you’re looking for is perspective.

Your insecurities can easily cause you lose sight and perspective of the truth. You get stuck in this loop. A simple insecurity such as “They don’t love me” or “I am all alone” can be triggered by a very small event. The reaction however can be blown out of proportions due to your insecurities.

During those intense moments, your reactions are flared up. You may still be thinking clearly. You may still be telling yourself that these thoughts are due to your insecurities flaring up. You tell yourself that these thoughts are not based on the truth.

You know that these thoughts are illogical. Yet you can’t help it. You can’t help think these thoughts. You can’t help but feel these emotions. That’s the problem with your insecurities getting triggered. Despite knowing all this, you can’t help but feel angry or mad. You can’t help but get pissed off.

 I still haven’t figured out what works for me. I get triggered and I don’t know what to do to get out of that zone. I try to do all the things listed above but nothing helps. Then after a while, I automatically calm down. I don’t know why I calm down either. It just happens on its own.

I can get all the perspective I want in the world but I can’t seem to get out of the triggered state I get sucked into. I want to be able to figure this out so that I don’t get triggered in the first place. Actually, I don’t think it’s even possible to not get triggered. I feel like that’s a normal reaction. Is it possible to not have insecurities?

If I do get triggered and if I could better understand it I would know how to get myself out of that state. I feel like that would be the most realistic way of trying to deal with my insecurities. But how? Nothing I do seems to be working. It just takes time and it goes away when I get exhausted.

Either way, it’s not pleasant getting triggered and feeling hurt for no legitimate reason. It gets exhausting to the people around me as well and the last thing I want to do is pass on the hurt to other people. I don’t want other people suffering due to my insecurities.

Regaining perspective seems to be the most recommended option out there so I guess I just need to keep working on myself to the point where I can regain my perspective and chill out. This ties in to the whole ego wanting to be in control thing as well. It purposefully gets hurt and bruised. That feeds the ego and makes it stronger.

Once the ego is in control of your thoughts and emotions it’s very hard to snap out of it. That’s the case for me anyways. Regardless of what I am going through or how difficult it is I have learned one thing recently.

The work is never done.

The process of self-improvement is a continuous one. Each day, each moment is a battle. All anyone can do is try their best and that’s what I am going to do.

Just Play with it

It is a happy talent to know how to play.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
Photo by Tarikul Raana on Pexels.com

For the past couple of weeks I have been hearing different people telling me to “Just play with it.” The concept is interesting.

A friend showed me some Budokon moves and I practiced them with him for a bit. Then he told me to play around with it in the grass. Another friend showed me some primal movement and said the same thing. You may be thinking to yourselves “Oh that isn’t such a big deal.” However, to me, it was a big deal.

I was shocked at how I couldn’t play with it. There was a barrier, a hesitation to do whatever came naturally. I couldn’t follow my instincts because I did not know what they want me to do. I have been detached with my playful inner child that I had no idea how to play around in the grass. It felt awkward.

I have noticed how when we are kids we are present in the moment. Kids just play around. They have a pure heart. They fight and then they make up the next second and continue playing. To kids nothing else matters. All that matters is what is happening in the now.

As kids grow up they are conditioned. They are conditioned by parents, by the teachers in the school, by the media and by society. They are taught to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to play a certain way, to eat a certain way and to dance a certain way. They are taught to live life a certain way.

Then as those kids turn into adults and start working, they realise that they aren’t happy. They aren’t happy because they are living life in a way that does not align with their true selves. They are living life the way that they were taught rather than the way they naturally want to. They are taught from a young age that once you get a job you’ll be happy. Once they do get a job, they start questioning life. What more is there to life? What do we do next?

All we then try to do is go back to being kids. The idea of playing in the grass is exciting to us. We start trying to try things out that make us happy. We try yoga, we try dancing, we try playing sports, we try working out or we go on adventures.

What we fail to realise is that we used to do all these things when we were kids. When we weren’t conditioned. All these things come naturally to kids. When you are living in a way that aligns with your natural instincts to live life, you are automatically happy. There is less resistance and you are more content.

Embrace the inner child within you. Let that child come out and play. Let that child hold the reigns to your life and have some fun.

The Life I want

And into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul.

John Muir
Me – Taken by a Friend

I have not written in a while because I have been enjoying life. I have been busy with living. I have been living from moment to moment. The person in the picture you see above is me. That is who I want to be 24/7. I am glad a friend of mine chose to step out of the moment and capture me in the moment. I have my hair doing its natural thing. I am in a relaxed state. I am connecting with people which I absolutely love. I am part of something real.

A couple of us decided to meet before sunrise and go to the desert to just enjoy the moment. It was amazing. I was totally disconnected from my life. Rather, I should say I was totally connected with life. I was just there in the present…aware of nothing else but what surrounds me. At that moment all that mattered to me was connecting with the people and the environment around me.

I feel like connecting with the environment is something that we as humans do not value enough. To be at one with nature. Without any distractions. Just totally present in the moment. Nature has a way of providing that for us. It has a way of demanding our attention and presence. It makes you forget. All you have to do in nature is exist, which is all you can do anyways. In return, nature will take over because well that is its nature. As confusing as that sounds, think about it.

This picture is going to be an inspiration for me. I am going to use that picture of myself to drive myself to get the life I want. I am going to push myself to live the way I want to. In order to live the life I want I need to setup ways of generating a passive income. Sadly, that is the world we live in. A world in which you cannot live without money. Money that enables you and allows you the freedom to live however you want.

In order to do so I need to discover what drives me. I need to figure out what I’m passionate about. That’s what life is all about, Experiences. Living life to its fullest potential and experiencing as many things as possible is what life is all about. That’s my take on it anyways.

There is one thing I am certain of; I want to be the Ammar you see in the picture. I will do whatever I can to achieve that lifestyle.

The Superhero Within

I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person and it’s okay if that person is you.

Anonymous Professor of Anthropology
Photo by Josh Hild on Pexels.com

We all have a superhero within us. We have tremendous power with our actions and our words. The ability to save someone’s day. To make someone’s day better. A friendly “Hello” or a nice compliment on their outfit can totally make a person’s day.

An act of kindness is a super power that many of us fail to acknowledge. We could help someone cross the street or give someone some spare change. All that you need are a couple of seconds of your time. We all go through problems but a small friendly gesture can give them a moment of happiness.

Something as small as asking a stranger “How are you doing?” will make them feel much better. It shows them that someone cares. This random stranger who you don’t know and who doesn’t know you actually considers you to be a human being. This person actually wants to know how I am doing. It gives that person a voice. It lets them know that someone does care. You don’t know what kind of day they might be having but a simple question could make there day better. Even if it’s just for one small brief insignificant minute, is that not worth it?

Initially that small gesture may be overlooked. You may not think that this small act of kindness or these few words of compliments have any weight but I can assure you they do. I have always appreciated them regardless of my emotional and mental state. It just lifts me up. I am sure it lifts other people up too.

We can use our super powers in a similar way but with ourselves. We can use it to make ourselves feel better. The power of the words you speak to yourself affect you heavily. The things you do for yourself impact you heavily.

Self-affirmations can change your outlook on life. They give you that uplifting voice you need when you’re feeling down. Reminding yourself of how beautiful and amazing you are is important. We often lose sight of that.         

Treat yourself with a shopping spree or some nice food. Go out for a walk or workout. Go to a salon and get yourself taken care of. Do whatever makes you happy, for you and no one else. All these small acts of kindness towards yourself help lift you up. They help you feel good. They have the power to bring you out of a negative vibe. They can make your day even if it’s just for a brief moment.

Speak it into existence. Will it into existence. That is our superpower.

We are all superheroes. All you need to do is believe it.

Brewing In Self Hate

[T]hou canst not think worse of me than I do myself.

Robert Burton
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Today was one of those where I just hated myself and everything that I did. Hate is a very strong word and I do not use that lightly. As harsh as it sounds, it was hate. As pure as it could be. All directed towards me.

I woke up late and missed out on a plan with the squad. Well to clarify I had woken up on time. I was depleted of energy, completely dead. I decided to go back to sleep.

Woke up a couple of hours later and went to work. Work was an alright day. Same as usual. Got home, made some food and passed out. Woke up a couple of hours later and worked out. The workout took forever because for some reason I was low on energy again. I finished the workout, had a late dinner and now I sit here typing this.

I can sort of explain why I hated myself today. It was just one of those days. I was upset at myself that I didn’t go to meet with the squad. Despite it not being in my control, I hated myself that I was so low on energy today. It took an enormous amount of effort to being my workout and get it done.

Even now as I type this out I absolutely hate myself.

Part of me is upset that today after a long time for some reason I felt alone. I was not content with my own company. I was upset that I couldn’t share this with anyone because I didn’t want to burden anyone.

This all goes back to my childhood I believe. I had parents that were emotionally unavailable. I didn’t really have any close friends. Today’s vibe reminded me of the past. It has taken a lot of work to get to where I am right now. Where I am content with myself…to a certain extent. However, I will have these random days where my vibes are just low. A small trigger such as the one today ends up affecting me enormously.

I will type out some of the questions and thoughts I had and how I tried to rationalise them to change my vibe. It didn’t really work but it did help make things better. I had to rationalise them as if I was giving advice to a friend.

I have noticed how we tend to be much more understand and comforting when giving advice to our friends. However, when it comes to ourselves we set a higher standard for ourselves and tend to be much more unforgiving and harsh. I tried to rationalise my thoughts as if I was speaking to a friend of mine. Trying to be understanding, comforting and loving rather than unforgiving.

You missed out on the squad meet.

I just hated myself for missing out on an opportunity to connect with people. I feel the happiest when I am out and connecting with people. Making real memories. I was just upset at how I gave in to my weakness, I succumbed to being on low energy and went back to sleep rather than going out and creating real moments. I tried to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world. There will be more meet ups in the future that I will be a part of. It is fine to feel low on energy and decide to take care of yourself. It’s fine to listen to what your body is telling you. Part of me believes that my body told me that because I am weak and the thoughts quickly escalated from there.

You are a loser.

The thought quickly turned into how I am a loser. I am never invited to events. I always miss out. I am never a part of anything. I had to remind myself that this thought is untrue as well. I am always invited. In fact the times that I do not go are my own choice due to work or, and this is where my thoughts took me next, is because I wasn’t able to wake up.

You are undisciplined.

I have been trying to wake up early since we went on lock down. I dream of being able to wake up at 5 AM and start the day with a work out before going to work. That way I have the rest of the day off. As you may be able to tell I have been unable to do so and I immediately started hating myself when I woke up.

“As usual Ammar, you were not able to wake up early because you are not disciplined in life.”

I had to remind myself that this thought is untrue. I have been working out consistently for the past 8 months with a couple of days off here and there. I manage to get to work on time. I get the things that need to be done throughout the day. I believe that my current lifestyle was only achieved based on my discipline.

You are fat.

I assumed that the low energy and negative vibes were due to a lack of food. I have been unable to properly eat for the past month now. The current schedule is all over the place and I haven’t been able to adhere to my intermittent fasting from 7 pm to 12 pm. Due to the schedule I have only been having 1 meal a day at midday for lunch. I told myself today that I would have 2 meals today regardless of the time for the second meal. I had a late dinner past 7 pm and immediately hated myself.

I had to rationalise this negative thought. Yes I may still be a bit fat but I have done a great job reducing my weight. I am in a much better place now. It is important to listen to your body and my body is telling me that I need more food. If I neglect what my body is telling me then I am going to end up hurting myself. Listen to your body and give it what it needs.

You have not achieved anything in life.

I am 27. No relationship. A job that does not fulfil me. A shit family life. No investments. No plan for the future. This thought was easier to rationalise for me. I have no clue what I want from life BUT I know what I don’t want and that’s this. I don’t want to be an Engineer. What do I want to do? I want to write, take photos and teach. I love connecting with people and want a job that allows me to do that.

My issues with my family are a bigger problem that I believe stem from a lack of space and boundaries. The only way to improve it is to move out. Maybe then I’ll have the space I need to do what I need to do without resenting them.

I don’t have any external investments BUT I am investing in myself. I am the biggest asset that I have. I will invest in myself and keep growing, bettering myself.

You have no friends. No one likes you.

While it is easy to victimise myself this is absolutely not true. I love the people in my life and I KNOW they love me. We hang out. We have fun. More importantly they include me. I was just being a victim to my own vibe and having thoughts that are untrue and baseless. I have been having this thought since I was a child. This thought stems from how I was always left out from activities with my “friends” as a kid. Due to that trauma, anytime someone doesn’t reply OR invite me I immediately go into the thought of how no one likes me.

I am ashamed of having this thought because they do love me. It will take time but I know that I have to outgrow this.

You have not grown. You are still the scared and sad little boy you were.

As a kid there was a lot of trauma that I went through. I didn’t realise it at the time BUT now I can see how that stuff fucked me up. I was alone most of the time. Forced into my own world of games and cartoons. I never went out. Just stayed at home. It was easier for me to shut myself out from the world. I didn’t know how else to deal with it. It was overwhelming.

I am not perfect. I don’t think anyone perfect exists. I am who I am. I went through my past. The child still exists within me. I have grown. I have made great strides in developing myself. Sure, there are times where I am sad but I bounce back. I am scared but I am also fearless. I am down for whatever the universe throws at me.

Hit me with your best shot. I got this. You can’t keep me down motherfucker. I am coming for you.

One small trigger caused me to spiral down all the way to here. It started with how I missed out and ended up with how this is all related to my past. I know that it is related to my past. I just had to remind myself that I cannot change the past. I must learn from it and grow. Once I grow, I will be able to become the person that I want to become.

The scared and sad little boy still exists as my inner child. I need to become the nurturing and loving parent that my inner child needs. The kind of parent I needed when I was younger. I need to listen to what my inner child is telling me. I need to give it the love and support it needs to feel safe. I need to be there for my inner child. I will be writing more about this as I learn more about my inner child.

“I love you my inner child. You are safe now.”

In the past there were more days where I hated myself and the affects were much worse. It took a long time for me to realise that I must be happy within my own company. I must put out the positive vibe that I want to receive and the universe will respond, as it has. I guess I hated myself because today it felt like, after a long time, I was exhausted and defeated by my past. I was defeated by this negative vibe.

While I embrace this, I realise that a lot of work still needs to be done by me. It’s one of those days where I had to take it easy. My body and vibe were telling me to take a break. What’s done is done now. I need to realise that I cannot change the past. All I can do is move forward. Tomorrow we start again. Maintain discipline. More importantly, we pump out the positive vibes.

Initially I left myself brew in this self-hate because it’s easy. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself. It’s easy to put yourself down. It takes no effort. It is VERY easy to slip down and just give up. It’s easy to give up on yourself and to give up on life. I have been there before. It takes no effort. Your ego does all the work for you. You just have to be passive and let the hate flow.

I had to remind myself that having the victim mentality is what I hated about my past self. I hated how I used to always be sad. I hated how I would make no effort whatsoever in improving whatever I could improve on. Even as I write this, even after all the rationalising in the world, I WANT to sit here and brew. I want to corrupt myself from within. I want to give up. I feel like that part of me will never die. I have to be strong enough to make sure that my aware self will always win over my ego.

If anyone has had similar experiences or is going through something right now hit me up. I can’t promise you any solutions. I can only promise to offer you a different perspective and my attentive ear that will listen to you.

Life is good. I am glad that I am alive.

Haunted By The Past

Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.

Cormac McCarthy – All The Pretty Horses
Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

The past will creep up on us when we least suspect it. One moment you’ll be happy with your friends or relaxing in bed before falling asleep. Out of the blue, it jumps out and reminds you the time you “messed” up in the past. You relive those moments in a loop.

“Why did I do that?”

“I wish I had done that instead.”

You start to regret those moments. You get stuck. You cringe at those moments. All those emotions come flooding back. You feel awkward, scared, vulnerable and ashamed. Most of my life I have dreaded my past. I have tried to repress the feelings that come up. Pretend like it never happened. Pretend like I have grown from it.

Yet, I find myself going through the same motions. Feeling the same emotions in the present as well. Clearly, these feelings and emotions have weight. They are heavy. They are real. They are still affecting me. They are still unresolved.

In order to work through this I need to realise the importance of the past traumas in my life. It is important to understand that these feelings emanate from my childhood trauma. The roots of these feelings are deeply embedded in the past. Once you acknowledge this, you can then move on to resolving those feelings…dealing with those feelings.

The importance of the past is often overlooked. People tell you to forget about the past and focus on the present which will affect the future. While that is true, it is important to acknowledge the past. We learn from the past.

We must look back to understand why we act the way we do. Why we feel the way we do. It’s all linked to the past. Only then are we able to grow.

Take the time to reminisce. Acknowledge your feelings. Try to find the root in the past. Hopefully then you will be able to grow.

Surrender To Life

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

Charles R. Swindoll
Photo by Simon Clayton on Pexels.com

Complete Surrender. That is how I try to live my life, in complete surrender. I try to surrender to life. I try to surrender to love. I try to surrender to the universe. I try to surrender to the environment. I try to surrender to what may be happening to me.

As we live life we come across many things that affect us. We often find ourselves worrying about the future and contemplating on the past. While it is good to have a plan for the future, we tend to live in the thoughts of the future.

I went to a Tai Chi class for the first time. I have wanted to do Tai Chi since the day I found out that in the TV Show Avatar The Last Airbender, the movements for water bending is based off of the ancient Chinese martial arts of Tai Chi. I love water bending because of it’s healing properties so naturally when the opportunity came to try it I couldn’t say no.

Tai Chi is all about the breath. It’s about relaxing. It’s about letting go and flowing with what comes towards you. I just flowed, with whatever was happening. I was in a state of tranquillity. I was relaxed.

I was reminded by how I want to live my life, in complete surrender. I will only worry about the things within my control. The things that I do not control, do not warrant any attention or effort from me. We are not going to spend our time thinking about that. We are going to spend our time, energy and efforts on what we do control.

We are going to focus on the now.

I control my actions. I control my work ethic. I control me. I cannot control anything outside of me so why bother?

Does this person like me? Will I get this job? Will I do well in my exams? I do not have control over all the factors that will affect these decisions.

All I can do is control my own vibe and let things flow. Whatever will happen, will happen. I can only hope for the best.

We are constantly reacting to whatever happens to us. That’s all that we can do.

Relax. Breathe. Let go. Channel all of your energy into yourself. Enjoy Life. It’ll all be fine.

We got this far. Don’t worry. We’ll also get to where we need to go.

An Unwelcoming Household

The first step to living the life you want is leaving the life you don’t want.

Karen Salmansohn
Photo by Renan Lima on Pexels.com

For me leaving the life I don’t want includes leaving my family. I do not want to live with them anymore. I want to have my own space and more importantly the freedom that comes with it.

I have always imagined living a minimalist lifestyle. I hate clutter and unnecessary things. I picture a very clean and spacious room. Spacious not in terms of size but spacious in terms of how empty it is. I don’t need much to live a happy life. A happy life in itself is a weird concept but that’s for later. I just need the essentials.

To truly understand what happens to me when I come “home”, I’ll tell you what I am like when I’m not “home.” When I’m outside, I am happy. I am loud. I am having fun.  It’s all about love and positivity. I enjoy the moment. There is no worry in my life. I just relax and enjoy whatever comes my way. My brain is clear. It doesn’t hurt. That’s why I really enjoyed this quarantine.

When I didn’t have work I’d leave the house at 5 AM and go sit on the beach. There was no worry in the world. There was nothing to do, except for enjoying the moment, enjoying THIS moment.

I feel unwelcomed in my house. The moment I enter the door, a switch flips. I am this serious and sad person. I feel uncomfortable. I stay quiet. I am just by…myself. It feels like there’s this heavy dark cloud hovering above me whenever I’m home. I don’t talk to anyone. I am just there, breathing…existing. It honestly feels like the real me is supressed deep within myself just so I don’t get hurt. I numb myself so that I am unaffected by all the things bothering me at home. I temporarily kill myself in the metaphorical sense for now.

I grew up in an emotionally unavailable household. I guess I’ve associated this house with that feeling now. My life is good but I don’t feel welcome at home. Robin Hobb wrote “Home is people, not a place.” Elvis Presley says “home is where the heart is.” In both cases I know that this is not home.

This is going to be harsh but this is all coming from the heart. This will not sound like it at all but please remember that this is coming from a place of love. A place of self-love and love for my family.

In a way I have begun, or already do, resent the people at “home.” I resent my family. They do things that I want to avoid. Their habits and mannerisms are everything that I do not want in my life. They are everything that I want to outgrow in my life. Every time I am home I am constantly reminded of these habits that I want to avoid.

There is a lot of clutter in the house that I want to get rid of. Living in clutter has made our lifestyle very disorganised which I do not like at all. There is no space to clear your mind and just breathe. They leave the lights on in rooms that are not being used. They leave doors open. They focus on problems that they have nothing to do with at all. There is this stream of constant toxic words that come out of them about what other people are up to. Instead of fixing ourselves, everyone in this house is too busy trying to fix others. I just want everyone to relax and chill for a moment. Forget about the world and other people and focus on yourself.

I want to get away from all this. I will get away from all this the first chance I get. Their negativity seeps into me. I can feel it corrupting me. I am not delusional. I know that life on my own will be tough to deal with but at least I can move on to a different chapter in my life. At least I’ll have a place I can call home. A place where I can truly relax. A place where I am not suffocating. A place where I do not have to supress any part of the real me. I would finally be able to love myself 24/7 or at least more than I can now.

I feel like if I was to move out and get away from all this, if I could get my own space, I’d be able to start loving my family. I would be able to do all the things I have wanted to do like get into photography, videography and start making podcasts. I can’t do these things at “home.” There are too many disturbances at “home.” Things the family just wouldn’t understand. For a long time, I have blamed the house and the family for why I have not been able to pursue all these things.

If I move out I’d finally be able to get rid of this excuse that I have been milking for as long as I can remember. I would be able to grow out of this mind set and this rut. Life would change for the better or the worse but I know I am ready to move on. Maybe once I start pursuing all these things that I have been thinking about and planning for the majority of my life I might stop resenting my family.

I might stop thinking of them as the reason for my failure and discover that I am a failure on my own. It’s easier to blame my short comings and failures on other people and in this case it has been my family for a long time. Once I move out, I might discover other challenges and reasons that contribute to my failure shifting the blame off my family. I might be able to grow. More importantly, I might be able to love them.

One things for sure, I am done. I know what needs to happen. I have to move out when I can. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all coming from a place of love. Firstly, this is so that I can love myself. Secondly, this is so that I can start loving my family. I may resent them now BUT I want to move out to separate them from my failures. They are free to live the life they want to and so am I. Once their negativity and vibe can no longer affect me, I believe I would be able to look past it and star loving them.

Stay safe. Keeping loving yourself and each other.

Discipline is Key

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

At the age of 27 I have realised that Discipline is the key to life. If I’m being honest there are many keys to life, each one connected to the other BUT Discipline is a major key in life.

The way I do it is I have split my tasks into 2 groups:

  1. Shit that needs to get done
  2. Shit that doesn’t need to get done

The shit that doesn’t need to get done, most of the times, is the shit that I WANT to do so it gets done anyways. Things like watching a show on Netflix, shopping or eating at a fancy restaurant. These aren’t things that I consider compulsory or mandatory to do but I enjoy them and so they happen. I tend to let these things flow and not focus on them. If it happens, I enjoy the moment. If it doesn’t happen, it didn’t happen and I just move on. These things flow like the waves of the ocean. Some days I’ll do them, some days I won’t.

The shit that NEEDS to get done include things like working out, eating healthy, going to work or writing. To me these things are essential in living a healthy lifestyle. The working out and eating healthy keeps me physically fit. Going to work gets me paid and helps maintain the healthy lifestyle that I want. The writing helps keep me emotionally and mentally fit.

To get these things you need to develop a healthy habit of doing those things with keeping discipline in mind. Let’s use working out as an example. You need to start small. If you go on a 5k run on your first session, it’s going to do more harm than good. You may hurt yourself physically and you’ll be demotivated mentally as well. You’re going to be disheartened to continue running the next day.

The faster you try to change, the harder you’ll revert back into your old habits. They may even become worse.

The idea is to start slowly. You start by walking 1k a day and build on it until you get to 5k. Then once you’ve begun walking 5k a day, you can start to run 1k and walk the rest of the 4k and build on that. Once you manage to jog 5k, you can start working on improving your time and doing it faster or increase your distance. That’s just the way I did it.

The idea is to develop a healthy habit in a small and manageable way so that you develop a habit that will last longer.

The same can be applied to eating healthy. You start small. Remove one or two items from your current diet. You can remove fizzy drinks and chocolates. Stick to avoiding those 2 items. Before long you’ll notice that not only have you not consumed those items but you no longer have this need or desire to consume those items. In a way you have developed the habit of not consuming those items. After that you can build on it and move on to other sugary items or items high in calories. You can implement intermittent fasting in your diet if your goal is to lose weight or feel more energetic.

I have been intermittent fasting for 6 months now and I feel great when I wake up. I feel like I have more energy and I am ready to take the day on.

Have a think about your life. Decide what type of life you want to build. Start small. Use discipline to keep going and before you know it you’ll start to notice changes in your life. Focus on the process rather than the goal. You do want to lose weight but obviously you don’t want to be miserable while doing it. It can be done. You just need to sit down and start changing small things and they will all add up.

Think about it. When we are born we can barely move on our own. Slowly we start crawling, then walking and before you know it we start running. With time, practice, resilience and discipline we manage to go from a baby that can’t move on its own to Usain Bolt winning the Gold medal at the Olympics.

People tend to rely on motivation to get promoted at work or lose weight. I think motivation is bullshit. Motivation comes and goes depending on your state of mind. Your mind/ego likes to play tricks on you. It doesn’t want you to succeed and be self-reliant because it wants you to keep needing it. You’re in this loop where your ego makes you feel like shit, you continue to live your unhappy life, you feel like shit and it repeats. This helps sustain your ego. I’ll write some more about this in a different piece.

Discipline on the other hand works independently. I do not give a fuck if I am not in the mood to work out. We are getting out of bed and going for this run. Once, I start running I get into it and before you know it I am done. I don’t care how much I want to eat that pizza past 7 pm. We are not going to eat this pizza. We are going to drink some water and move on. Even if I am not in the mood, I’ll still try to do something as that is better than nothing. I try not to beat myself about it. Just get to work. Do a small workout and move on. If I am really hungry I’ll eat past 7 pm and move on.

It all comes down to you and how you want to do it. You set the goals, the method and the pace because you have to do the work. You do whatever it takes to get the lifestyle you want.

Discipline is the key. Hold yourself accountable to small things and you will develop the healthy habits that you want to develop before you know it. Look for the development of long term habits rather than short term goals. When you revert and fall back from those short term goal oriented routine, you fall harder.

Take it slowly. Start small and build on it with time and comfort. Enjoy the process. You’ll have gone farther than you had anticipated before you even realise it.

Remember, you are doing this for you and for no one else. No one else cares if you have a healthy lifestyle. In fact some people might thrive on watching you be miserable. It makes them feel good about themselves. Remind yourselves that this is for you and stay strong. There’s no harm in taking a break if you want to. Just learn to be content and disciplined and life will work its way out.

If you want me to write some more about how I have transformed my physical, mental or emotional state or have something specific you want me to give you a different perspective on, feel free to ask in the comment section below or send me a message on any of my social accounts that are linked at the bottom of the website.

Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep on loving.

Decision Making

Photo by Hrishikesh Deshkar on Pexels.com

There is a fable from Aesop about the Miller, his son and his ass. The fable talks about how the Miller tries to please everyone and in the end loses his donkey. The moral of the story is that if you try to please everyone, you will lose everything. We often think too hard about what decision is the ‘right’ one and what the ‘wrong’ one is.

How can we tell if what we are doing is ‘right’?

Once we manage to make a decision, after much deliberation, we then tend to regret that decision and think that we would have been better off with the other option. After all, hindsight is 20/20. There’s a lot of uncertainty and regret when it comes to decision making in life, regardless of how big or small those decisions are.

I have found a way that makes it easier for me to determine what is ‘right’ and accept the consequences that may arise as a result of making that decision. This works for me so it might help all of you.

Before making any decision I ask myself 2 questions:

1 – Am I coming from a place of love?

2 – Will this make me happy?

I try to do things from a place of love and let the consequences take care of themselves. I may do something out of self-love or love for others. I am trying to focus more on self-love but both points of views are valid in my opinion. The idea is that if you come from a place of love, you know that the intention of your decisions are coming from a good place. Therefore, whatever decision you make, you have made with good intentions. For some of you that may not be important, but for me it is.

The means matter more than the ends.

If I can see this decision making me happy then I am going to take that decision. Happiness is achieved by doing something that resonates with you at an inner level. Obviously, things will not go the way you intend for them to go BUT as long as you keep that in mind and focus on the journey rather than the end goal then you’ll be happier.

The idea is to find happiness in the pursuit of your goals and not in your goals.

While making any decision it is important to remind yourself that you have made this decision to the best of your ability with the information that you had at that time. You need to be content with the decision you have made and be willing to accept all the consequences. You need to realise that you can only control your own actions. If you have given it your best shot then that’s all that matters. Whatever happens past your control happens.

Surrendering yourself to this mentality will help you be more content and at peace. It will focus your attentions on things that will matter and before you know it you’ll be in a place that you had never envisioned.

Think about it.

5 years ago, even a couple of months ago, no one would have thought that we’d be in the midst of a pandemic. The whole world has been affected. Yet here we are. Do we have any control? To a certain extent yes. We can choose how to spend all this free time that we have suddenly found. We can choose to follow health guidelines and protect ourselves and others. We can choose to put ourselves in the gloom and doom mindset where we focus on all the negatives, where we focus on how we can’t go out and meet our friends. Regardless of what you do the fact that we are in this pandemic will not change. Therefore, why focus on what we have no control over. Why don’t we focus on what is within our control.

Life is always bliss. It all depends on how you choose to direct your energy and focus.

These things will help you develop a sense of self-love as well. When you make decisions that are in line with your true self then you are able to be happier.

How do you know what resonates with your true self?

You experience life and enjoy it. Listen to your feelings and life will guide you.